About Dating Online

A male reader wrote me to describe a recent date that he went on.  He thought it went great and noted the various IOIs she sent out, but when (four days later) he asked her to go out again, she shut him down with the “we didn’t click” excuse.  I have a feeling he’s not the only dude out there who’s experienced this very scenario, so here are my (expanded-upon) thoughts that I sent him about common first date dealbreakers that men often unknowingly fall prey to – especially when they are trying to apply game and maintain alpha frame.

Before I get into these things, men should keep in mind that while all women are the “same” in that they all have a certain set of emotional needs and desires, not all women are going to respond to the same strength of tactics.  Women who are used to attracting a lot of male attention (whether they’re beautiful or just kind of slutty) need harder game run on them than women who are shy, conservative, and/or don’t go on very many dates.  Bar kittens and unadventurous, dutiful church girls are a chasm apart in terms of what will get a positive response out of them.  Bar kittens usually need to be taken down a peg, whereas church girls need to be reassured that you have honorable intentions (well, unless you assume the role of supplicating beta).  They both want male leadership and confidence, but the way in which those qualities should manifest themselves is going to be different depending on the girl.  Also, a certain amount of what works on any girl is going to depend on the girl herself.  This is where having some social intuition comes in.  Just as there’s no one approach that works on every single girl, not every single church girl is going to respond to exactly the same game, either.

Okay, with that out of the way – here are some basics.  Yes, I know, NAWALT, so there will always be some exceptions to what I’m about to say.  You may have bumped up against one.  But by and large, especially when dealing with “good church girls,” the following hold true.

(1) Always pay. If she was the one who asked you out, offer to pay anyway.  It may sound petty, but not paying on the first date, unless the woman insisted on going dutch beforehand, is a dealbreaker.  (Even then, you should still offer to pay.)  If the woman liked you a lot and you didn’t pay, her friends will still tell her that you’re a loser for not paying, so no matter what, the well will be poisoned against you.  So just suck it up that you’ll have to pay.

Note:  EVEN IF THE WOMAN OFFERS TO PAY, YOU MUST STILL INSIST ON PAYING. In your head you may think, “Oh, she’s being fair and modern,” but ten bucks says that a church girl (and pretty much every other girl with a drop of femininity in her) will secretly be offended that you permitted her to pay and did not put up genuine resistance.  (However, if she keeps fighting you on it, let her.  But then cheekily tease her about being a feminist if she does pay.)

(2) At the end of the night, say you had a good time – IF you genuinely had a good time. Otherwise, just thank her for the chance to meet her, get to know her, and spend some time with her.  I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary to tell her that you’ll call or that you should hang out again sometime – it’s too easy for men to say that and then not call or not ask for another date, which exasperates women.**  It’s better not to create expectations that can easily be dashed.  (But if you really do want to see her again, it’s fine to say that you should go out again.  If the girl isn’t interested, she’ll probably give a nebulous response like “Yeah, maybe sometime.”) Also, I don’t think it’s a good idea to ask for another date immediately at the end of the first date.  I’ve had this happen before, and it really puts the woman on the spot if she’s not sure if she’s attracted to you.  (**Roissy-style players can use exasperation to their advantage, because if you stiff her on a phone call, she will definitely have you on her Ish List and will be more likely to respond when you do finally call.  But that only works if you generated enough attraction in the first place.)

(3) It’s important to be respectfully playful. Gentle teasing works well on most women. Strength of any teasing/negs must be in proportion to how much romantic male attention the woman is used to getting.  Also, the teasing needs to be OBVIOUS.  Sometimes guys play teasing too deadpan, and the girl can’t tell if he actually means it or not and may feel insulted.  (Of course, sometimes it’s just that the girl has no sense of humor, which is something that’s outside of your control.)  A little bit of playfulness can go a long way in reassuring the woman that you’re safe to be with, have a good sense of humor, and aren’t overly invested in the success of the date.  Too often men fall into the trap of treating a date like a job interview, where she’s the boss they’re trying to impress, and they start trying to be walking encyclopedias about every topic they discuss.  It’s too business-like, doesn’t focus on the woman enough, and can even be alienating if the woman doesn’t have any interest in the topic.  So injecting a little playfulness into the date can alleviate a lot of the seriousness that sometimes occurs when men are trying hard to impress.

(4) Sometimes there just isn’t any chemistry. You can both be nice people but just have nothing to say to each other.  It’s not a failure on either part when that happens.  Don’t feel bad that you couldn’t squeeze blood from a stone.

When it comes to looking for love online, the United States isn't in the top five countries. In fact, it's closer to the bottom five. Popularity of online dating for finding a life partner is low on the priority list for Americans. But for some other countries, it's the main way people look for love.

A study by GlobeScan, commissioned by the BBC World Service, found that 60% of Internet users in India and 59% of Internet users in Pakistan believe that going online to look for a potential life parter is a great idea.

“This shows what a major role the Internet now plays in the lives of millions of people around the world," said GlobeScan Research Director Sam Mountford. "For many, and particularly in the developing world, it’s not just somewhere to work, shop, or communicate with friends, but a credible way of finding a partner in life.”

In America the number of people who think the Internet is a good place to find a relation is quite low - 21%. In fact, the majority of Americans (68%) do not believe that going online to find a potential partner is a good idea. This puts the United States in the bottom five in regards to how Internet users feel about using online dating to find a potential boyfriend or girlfriend. Only China and South Korea rank worse in their attitudes of using the Internet to look for love.

While Pakistan and India were the only countries where the majority of citizens believed that going online was a good idea in search of love, there were many close to that threshold. 49% of Internet users in Indonesia believed going online to search for a potential partner was a good idea. In Ghana that percentage was at 47%.

But what about the opposite? When it comes to countries that believed it was not a good idea to go online in search of a boyfriend/girlfriend, South Korea led the way with 81% followed closely by China at 78%,

Online Dating Popularity
Despite American beliefs that going online is a good place to look for love, tens of millions of Americans still do it. In fact, Online Dating Magazine estimates that more than 280,000 people marry each year as a result of meeting on an online dating service. In fact, 1 out of every 5 single people in the United States have dated someone they met online.

The internet is virtually cluttered with websites clamoring to play cupid for men looking for women, boys looking for girls, girls looking for sugar-daddies, men looking for boys, cougars looking for guys – you get the picture. It is such an enticing concept of virtually endless chances and possibilities, so if you wish to find a date online, you are welcome to hop on to the online dating bandwagon.
Before you trust your love-life’s future to an internet dating site, find out about the best ones out there. Here are five reviews to help you make up your mind.

1)    OkCupid.com – The site is one of the old established players and with more than a million members it is surely doing something right. It is an easy to navigate site that is nicely organized. You can connect easily with other members; this makes it easy for all involved to find people that are a good fit for them. The site is a favorite haunt of the young, looking to find a date or strike a relationship in a manner that is not too heavy on the pockets – yes, this awesome site is free.  The site does not support video chats, only IMs are allowed.

2)    Spark.com - The site offers a free trial and a host of features to go with it. It takes user participation seriously. You are supposed to put up a photograph within three days of joining to show that you are serious about online dating. You will also be required to take the Color Code – a sort of test that profiles you and throws up the most likely partners for you. You can send and receive emails when availing free membership. Traversing the pages may be a little tedious as there is a surfeit of icons.

3)    Match.com – Possibly the largest online dating site. This site has more than sixteen million members and it boasts a high success rate. You have a very good chance of meeting someone special here. The site is confident that in six months you will hit a relationship jackpot, if you don’t you get a six month extension free of cost. Match.com subscribers can access the site easily on mobile devices. You can also set up your friends with prospective matches on this site. It is; however, one of the more expensive paid dating sites out there.

4)    Date.com – The site that has been around for longer than most others, it has not only survived but has thrived and in the process built up a solid reputation for itself. The site is frequented by those serious about dating and looking for a partner. So, if you join this site you can be assured that you will not run into frivolous people or face attempts at phishing. The site lets you look up prospective dates by age, gender, location, interests, etc. Paid subscribers can communicate with one another via IM, email, and chat.

5)    MillionaireMatch.com – Here’s the kind of niche every dating guy or gal wants to operate in. But it’s not that easy. It’s only for the wealthy. Rich doctors, Silicon Valley Honchos, Hollywood celebs, big time models…you get the picture. Now, you don’t have to be a real millionaire, just rich. You can test this site as a guest member and communicate with people that email you. The obvious USP of this site is that you get to meet people that belong to your social strata and share your tastes.